Today
by DorothyInDisguise
Summary: Parents are just there to screw your world up. Or so Bella believes. Add the constant annoyance that is a best friend trying to convince you to go for that Hot New Guy with the green eyes then life gets... complicated! Canon couples.AH.High school drama
1. Chapter 1

Hey all!! So this is my new attempt at a story. I hope you like it.

The title is taken from a song by the same name: Today - Jesse Clegg. He's a South African artist. The song is on my profile so go check it out and fall in love!!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight

**TODAY**

**Chapter 1**

Dear Dr. Love-Right

I'm 16 years old, and I think I have a problem. I somehow am incapable of ever being in any sort of relationship with any boy. It's not like I'm shy or anything, because I do have a few "guy" and "girl" –friends. But the only problem is I get scared every time a guy shows any interest in me. I tend to get cold and shut him out of my life. Is it because my expectations are to high, or that I'm insecure or that actually I'm very anti-social? Am I afraid of commitment? Do I lack people skills? Please give me some appropriate advice, because I'm stumped about why I repel guys like insect repellent.

Love Doom.

xXx

"Bella! Bella, where are you?" I could hear my mom shouting from downstairs as she slowly made her way upstairs.

"I'm coming mom, just give me a second will you?" I replied with irritation visible in my voice

"Listen you better drop that attitude with me young lady. Save it for your dad and his new 'girlfriend'." I gave her an incredulous look. As if to say _not another one._ "Yes he has a new 'girlfriend'. Her name is Vicky. Don't look at me like that; you have to go to your dad."

Aaaah. What a joy my life has become. Over the last two years I've been passed along from one parent to the next like smoke in puff-puff-pass. And to be honest, it's just not cool. I don't understand my parents, I honestly don't. I can remember them being happy together but then suddenly it's: "Bells honey, we're sorry but your dad and I are getting a divorce. The family advocate will speak to you tomorrow to determine which one of us will get you." And all I can say in my confused 13 year old mind is… WTF and I don't mean _what the fudge. _

So yeah. It's another one of my dad's weekends, and as per usual he has a new 'girlfriend'. I'm actually worried about his health, because I'm not going to deny this, but he is quite an old-ish man, and for him to keep up with a different twenty-something girlfriend every week has got to be straining. And when he comes to pick me up for our 'father-daughter' weekends my mom and I always have the same fight. The one where I complain about meeting his new 'girlfriend' and beg to go stay with Alice and then my mom tells me to "grin and bear it".

_Great advice mother dearest. _

Observe yet another one of our fortnightly fights:

"But mom" I whined

"No buts Bella! You have to go!"

"You know I hate it when…"

"I know you do, but do you think he cares that you hate meeting all his 'girlfriends'?"

"Tell him I'm not coming if he doesn't make that… that floozy go home."

"I'm not going to be the middle man, you tell him."

"Never mind about being the middle man, I'm going to be the third wheel the whole weekend, and…"

"Bella, will you please come, I've booked dinner for eight, and Vicky still has to get ready." My dad said from the doorway of my room

"Charlie get out, will you, I'm trying to speak to Bella" Rene yelled at him. My mother is actually a saint, even though it doesn't seem that way. The thing about her is that as much as she forces me to go to my dad (and that's just to stay out of trouble with the lawyers) she also always picks my side against him, and helps me get my way with him. _God bless her precious soul. _

"You've had 2 weeks to do that, now it is my turn to have her."

I hate it when they always fight over me, as if I'm not there. Why can't they just stop for 5 minutes? But even if I'm not the subject of their tedious fights, put them in the same room, and they WILL fight. Charlie is the oil to Renee's water. They just don't mix.

"Will you two just stop it? I'm not some THING you can just pass on when it's one of your turns to have me! I'm actually a human being. And dad, I'm not coming if Mickey is going to be there the whole weekend."

"For you information Isabella, It's Vicky as in Victoria, and Yes she will be there the whole weekend, every weekend from now on." My dad huffed.

"Get out!" Just go away! I'm not going with you anywhere, even if you were the last two people on earth with food! Leave me alone! Don't touch me! Mom help me!" I cried

"Charlie how can you do this to poor Bella? What is it with you? Don't you value the company of your daughter? You only see her every second weekend. How can you even dare to invite some pipe cleaner you picked up at a bar?" my mom attacked Charlie

"Renee you have no right to tell me how I should live my life, and what I should prioritise in my life"

"Gee thanks dad. At least now I know that I'm not a priority in your life, and that I'm just some kid that you have to spend time with."

"Bells you know that's not how I meant it. You under…"

"Save it dad. If I'm that much of a shlep, can't I just stay with mom this weekend, because I don't think my self-confidence, will be able to cope with another blow."

And sometimes in desperate cases, when my mom is getting through to Charlie (he has the odd stubborn day) then I play the emotion card. Works like a bomb. My sister Rosalie taught me that trick. While Alice uses the puppy-eyes to get what she wants, Rose and I have perfected the emotion card. It's actually quite simple. Especially for me as I have to go to weekly appointments with my psychiatrist, Dr Goldfinch, to learn how to cope with the stress of the divorce, and overcome my emotional slump that I'm in.

_Whatever that might be…_

"Look what you've done now Charlie, you've made the child doubt herself again. Dr. Goldfinch, just closed that chapter with her, and now you have to go and open it again."

Dr. Goldfinch is my trusty shrink whom I like to think I can manipulate, but subconsciously I know that I can't. My mom religiously sends me to him every week. I can't say that it helps but my mom likes to think it does so I just go to placate her. It's easier that actually telling her that I in fact do not need to see a shrink. I can just imagine how that conversation would go down. Actually now that I'm thinking about that conversation, I'd rather not think about it because just thinking about it is giving me a headache.

"Are you still sending her to that shrink?" my dad demanded.

"You know she blames herself for your infidelities, and ultimately our divorce."

"Give it a rest woman. I honestly don't blame her for having a low self-esteem. If I were your child I'd also have a shattered impression of myself."

"Thank God I'm not your mother, because if I were, I would've sent you to some school for juvenile delinquents."

"You guys stop it! I'm still here! And then you wonder why I don't have a high self-esteem, and why I blame myself for the divorce. Well I'll tell you. You always fight when dad has to come fetch me. You always fight about me, and how my life should or shouldn't be. Can't you guys ever get along? Even if it is only for the little time you have to spend in each others company when dad fetches me twice a month. If you think about it, that's only 26 weekends a year."

"If only you would apply some of that intelligence in maths honey, you could be top in your grade. I mean it's not as if that Jasper Hale is actually smarter than you."

"Renee what's wrong with Bella not being top in her grade? It's not as if you ever were."

"But she has the potential to be there Charlie!"

"Well it's her choice whether she wants to be there or not!"

Wow. I am speechless. They have now moved beyond the issue at hand, and to my performance in maths, which is not so great. But I can't help it if I didn't inherit the mathematical genius genes and that they went to Rosalie. So this just proves my point. They fight constantly, and about the most trivial stuff.

"Just stop it you guys, I think I should go to Alice tonight, so that everybody can just cool off."

"Absolutely out of the question! Like you said I only see you 26 weekends a year and I don't want to waste the time I could spend with you."

"Make up your mind dad. Less than 10 minutes ago, I was a waste of your time, and now I'm suddenly important to you."

"I think Bella should go to my mother for the night, because then she doesn't spend time, or should I say waste time with you and your floozy, and she doesn't go to Alice's, heavens alone know why you dislike the child so much."

"No. Isabella get into the car. I want to leave, and there's nothing either of you can say to change my mind."

Okay, see now Charlie is angry. Hence the use of my full name.

"You're a dictator do you know that? I hope you don't get voted Police Commissioner, because that will just be a disaster." I just have to add my two cents.

"Goodbye Renee. Have a good weekend… ALONE."

"Bye mommy, I'll phone you tomorrow. Love you."

"See you hon. If you want to I'll come and fetch you anytime you want Okay? I'm just a phone call away."

Well there you have it. That is how my life has been for the last year and a half, since my parents got divorced. I still don't why it happened. Up to my 13th birthday they were very happy. But after that things started to get out of control. At first it started gradually, the fighting, but then by that Christmas it was so bad, they even slept in separate bedrooms, and they would act very stiffly around each other.

Rosalie, my older sister, is so lucky. When all the fighting started she was 18, and could leave anytime she wanted because she had her own car. Not long after that, about July, Rosalie moved out. She told me she would come and visit me as often as possible, and that we could go shopping every second weekend. But now, I hardly ever see her. Since she's become Mrs. Emmett McCarty it's been almost impossible to see her. And it's not like madam will actually pick up a phone to call me.

We got a phone call 6 months ago from her saying that she and Emmett are going to Las Vegas, and that she'll call as soon as they get back, because she doesn't know how long they will be away for, but that we shouldn't be worried because it won't be longer than a month. All I was worried about was which 22 year old has enough money to go to Vegas for a month. Well I was very stupid to wonder about that, because Emmett's father is very well off. He is the CEO of Cadbury. I know how cool is that?

Free chocolate for me! (Though not really.)

So 3 weeks later, we get a call from Rosalie saying that she has news that she can't share over the phone and that we should meet her and Emmett, and his family at their house for Dinner, and that dad would be coming along as well, and that he promised that his then girlfriend Irini wouldn't come along. Lucky for dad she didn't come along so that she couldn't get any ideas.

But back to where I was.

Mom and I were thinking that maybe they got engaged, or that they are going to join the Red cross on their mission in Uzbekistan, or that they're moving to Switzerland (because Emmett is some glorified heart surgeon-to-be, he studied at Oxford, he went to Eton College. That is just another indication of how good life is over at the McCarty household.) The news we got was the last we ever expected because according to mom, Rosalie had always been very level-headed and rational, and would always inform us what she going to do, and ask for advice, and opinions.

The McCarty's have a stunning house. It is a French-Provencal house designed by one of the best architects in France. They had to fly him in from France, and pay accommodation at one of the fanciest and most expensive hotels in South Africa. So we sat sown to dinner (prepared by a gourmet Chef, because I don't think Mrs McCarty (Senior) even knows where the cutlery is kept.) We all asked what the big news was, but Emmett and Rosalie said they wanted to wait until after supper, while we have our coffee.

When we finally reached that part of the evening, I was so nervous, I could barely eat my dessert, which was Crème Brule, and the best Crème Brule I've ever tasted. And for me not to eat dessert is like the equivalent of an apocalypse. We then moved along to the formal sitting room and the maid brought us our coffee and biscotti. Then Emmett and Rosalie got up, and said the following: (it is a direct quote, I kid you not)

"You're looking at Mr and Mrs McCarty."

Then Emmett's mom, Matilda, said, "I know Emmy (can you believe his mother still calls him that?) mommy and daddy (and she also still refers to herself as mommy) are sitting right here, but what is your news?"

Then Rosalie spoke, "Mom, Dad, Bella, Mr and Mrs McCarty, as you know, Emmett and I got back from Las Vegas yesterday. But we've decided to tell you why we really went. We didn't go to gamble. We decided on this almost 2 months before we went."

"Rosalie and I got Married at the Little Cleveland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas by father Jim 'The King' Sampson."

There was a moment of silence where everybody just had to come to their senses about what they just heard. Matilda was the first to speak, and she said that she's glad for them, but would've appreciated it if they could've been there to. Jesse (Emmett's dad) was also happy for them, and he knew that Rosalie was the girl for Emmett.

Dad was his gallant self, and said that they better be joking because, but he never finished the sentence because mom interrupted him by saying that if Rosalie thought it was the right thing then she was very happy for them, and wished them all the luck, happiness and love in the world. But she also asked Rosalie not to have any children before she doesn't have a decent job. But Rosalie assured my mom that won't be a problem because she's decided to finish her Mechanical Engineering course, and then become a designer.

When mom and I got home, I wished I had rather stayed with Matilda and Jesse. They invited me to stay over, because they felt that it was now their duty to get to know me better, because they didn't want to do it earlier in case they got too attached to me, in case things between Rosalie and Emmett don't work out, and then there would've been less complications.

Mom went off about how responsible, and sensible Rosalie had always been. She then described her as Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice or Elinor Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility. All I was thinking was 'earth to mommy, if you have ever actually read either of those books, along with any of the classic classics, like I have, you would know that love does crazy things to a person. Okay not crazy in the sense of jumping off the Nelson Mandela bridge because that's just stupid, but crazy like giving up everything to be with that one person. And I know that Rose and Emmett are truly in love. Have been since the moment they met.

It's been a month since Rosalie and Emmett announced that their married and I've only seen her once, and that was the night they tempted fate by announcing their married. Oh yeah, she's phoned me once or twice, but only to say hi, nothing special. We decided that the only reason mom gave them her blessing, was because dad didn't approve of the wedding. She also told me that dad said he didn't want her to rush into anything, because maybe it's a mistake, like him marrying our mother. Rosalie responded by telling him that Emmett was there for her when she needed someone, while her parents got divorced.

Okay, Dr. Goldfinch said I should express my anger in a diary, and record all my dreams in a dream diary so that we can analyse them, and that he can understand me better, and that our sessions together can be more productive. As if. I'm definitely NOT going to record my dreams, but I might still write in a diary sometimes. I'm really just doing this to humour him, I mean honestly what purpose can it really serve?

Monday, 12 February

Dear Diary,

This sucks! I had to spend another weekend with dad and one of his 'girlfriends'. Rosalie doesn't phone anymore, and if I phone her she says I'm interrupting her 'vibe' or something, and that she need clean energy to successfully design what ever car she's busy working on. I hardly ever see Alice now because, I have to spend my time with my dad, or with my mom. I wish I didn't have to divide my time between them, because it's really getting irritating. Schools boring as usual. I wish I didn't take Geography, because it is so boring having to learn about all the major rivers in South Africa, and where their sources are. I mean really, who cares?

We have a new guy in our grade Edward. I don't like him, because he has such an attitude. He thinks all the girls love him and that we will give anything to just spend five seconds in his company. Then there is this new girl Tanya Denali. She really is the biggest flirt I've ever met. She's not that bad though, we get along quite well, except for the fact that I don't actually flirt as much as she does. Actually I just don't flirt. We do have some things in common though, she also lives with her mother, but that's because her father died in a car accident. Not because her dad cheated on her mom like mine.

Enough about that, I will now say goodnight and goodbye until next time. And remember: I'm not going to write in you everyday, because that will just give Dr. Goldfinch a sense of satisfaction, and that he can control me. (And this is to you Dr.: I'm only doing this to humour you and I know that if I don't write in this stupid diary that you will probably phone my mother and tell her, and I just don't want to have to conversation that will follow after your tattletale phone call. And don't you dare phone her about this entry because you never said what I have to write! You only said I have to write in a diary. So beat that!) I'm not going to let him think he can control me, because I am an individual, and can think for myself. (Take note of the last sentence doc.)

Love

Bella

* * *

So what's the verdict? Good/ bad? Should I continue?

Reviews let me know whether it's worth it to continue so please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: 'Tis not mine. All belongs to SM.

Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter!! Edward is introduced in this chapter. Sorry if the story seems slow (because it feels that way to me) it's just hard for me to write but I'm trying :-) Also I promise the characters will grow. They are a bit bland at the moment but bare with me please???

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**APoV**

"Hi! How was your weekend?" I asked Bella.

"I was with my dad this weekend, and as usual it was crap."

"Really why? What did he do or let me say didn't do this weekend?"

"He's got a new one."

"Again? What's her name?"

Wow Charlie sure had a lot of girlfriends. I can hardly keep track.

Poor Bella.

"Vicky or Mickey or something. I didn't meet her. I told my dad that if he wants me to go with him, she has to go home. So he said we can go drop her off on our way to the restaurant. So I totally freaked out, because what's the point of meeting her if I'm probably never going to see her again?"

Bella has a point. Why meet the woman if she's never going to see her again? Though she might gain another friend on facebook from the acquaintance. She has quite a few of those actually. She has a friend list on FB of all her dad's past girlfriends that she has met. And Bella didn't invite a single one of them. They all invited , it's no short list.

"So what did he do?"

"He had to go drop her off at her house and then he came back to fetch me. I decided that it was his own fault, because he knows I hate his girlfriends."

"What did your mom say?"

"Well she was glad that I stood up to my dad and embarrassed him in front of his new girlfriend."

I felt so sorry for Bella. But what can I do other than listen and support? But in all honesty, I do hate her dad for what he did to their family. It hit Bella so hard. Sometimes when I see Charlie I just want to shake him and ask 'why couldn't you keep it in your pants!!!'. But that's not how I was raised. If I did that and my mother found out she'd probably send me to like a finishing shcool or something.

"Alice I just wish this could end. I wish things could get back to normal, and that my parents were still together. Like it just feels as if their divorce was my fault you know?"

"Bella don't say that, you know they still love you. And listen don't call me Alice anymore, because my mom said I'm now too old to be just Alice, I have to become Mary-Alice."

Yet another of my mother's crazy ways to control me.

"Just wait a sec."

"Bella, why are you getting pen and paper?"

"Yeah. Here, this is Dr. Goldfinch's number. He is my shrink, I think your mother should make an appointment with him."

It's common knowledge that my mother and Bella don't see eye-to-eye. She thinks Bella is a bad influence on me because of the broken home she hails from, and that someday my marriage will be unsuccessful because I associate myself with the product of divorce. And Bella didn't like my mother because my mom was so controlling and over-protective. But in all honesty if I had to choose sides in this situation, I would definitely choose Bella's side.

"Why?"

"Alice what does it matter what I call you? You're still going to be the same person, it doesn't matter whether I call you Alice, Allie, Mary, or Mary-Alice. I can even call you freaking Perpetua if I feel like it!"

"I tried to tell my mom that, but you know how she gets. If you don't want to call me Mary-Alice, just make sure you call me that around my mom."

"Alice, what do you prefer to be called?"

"You know I like Alice."

"So why don't you just tell your mom that? Tell her that if you wanted to be Mary-Alice, YOU would've asked her to call you Mary-Alice and not Alice."

_If only it were that easy…_

"Easy for you to say. My mom likes things her way. She's not like your mom who gives you freedom, and encourages you to think for yourself. I mean look at Rosalie, she approved of the wedding."

"Oh come on Alice, you know she only approved because my dad didn't approve."

"You're probably right… Oh my, isn't that the new guy, what's his name?"

Wow. There is some intense hotness coming our way. I mean really hot. But then again not the hottest in my opinion but general consensus has voted him as the hottest guy in school. So like I said: Intense hotness coming our way.

"Edward, what about him?" Is it just me or did Bella sound really annoyed at the mention of his name? Why?

"It looks like, Oh my gosh, it looks like he's coming here."

"Don't flatter yourself; Tanya is probably standing somewhere where we can't see her."

"Well if he does go to her, can we then go and greet her, and act like were surprised to see him there."

"Why?"

"Um duh, because I haven't met him, that's why.'

"Well he's just like any other 16 year old guy…"

"Who's that were talking about?" Edward asked Bella. I could see by the way he was looking at her that he came all this way just to talk to her, and that Tanya is definitely not around.

"Oh hi Edward, um how are you?" Why does she sound so bored when speaking to him!

"I'm good thanks and you, how was your weekend?"

Observe: Exclusive conversation between Bella and Edward. I think I could announce that I'm pregnant (which I'm not) at this moment and neither one would notice I even opened my mouth and if they do by some odd chance acknowledge me, then the only response I'll get will be an okay or something similar.

"Mine was okay, yours?"

"Good good, why only okay?"

"I had to go to my dad."

"Oh, and you have a problem with that."

"You could say that."

"Oh shame man, sounds hectic."

"I guess so."

I only just realised, but Bella really sounds like a sorry-sack. I'm going to have to have a talk with her. This is no way to treat an incredibly hot guy. _Okay so he's not that hot. Jasper Hale (ie: hottest guy alive) is like so much hotter than him, but whatever. Edward is also hot._

"I'm sorry I really didn't mean to upset you, or interfere, I only came by to say hi"

"Okay, Hi. Um… this is my friend Alice." I had to cough loudly before Bella remembered to introduce me.

"Hey Edward, nice to meet you." I said with a bright smile. I could at least show him that not all girls are so emo.

"Hi Alice, nice to meet you too."

After an awkward silence, Edward finally spoke up.

"Well then I'll see you around Alice, and I'll see you in class Bella." With that he walked away. Next to me Bella heaved a huge sigh of relief. _Whatever. He is totally not that bad._

"Oh my gosh Bella, he's really not that bad, if you would only give the guy a chance, I think he might actually be pretty cool. Don't look at me like that, it's not his fault that he's hot, and that all the girls like him."

"Well that doesn't give him a right to act like a complete jerk."

Say what? Jerk? Is that what she just called him? You have got to be kidding me. This girl seriously need a reality check. He is not, I repeat NOT a jerk!

"Bella, take my advice, just give the guy a chance, don't be so judgemental. And just for the record, I do not think he acted like a 'complete jerk' I think he is a total sweetie."

"Ya, ya, I know don't judge a book by it's cover and all that jazz. But really Alice, who even uses the words 'total sweetie'?"

"I do! Anyways, I'll see you at break, now remember, BE NICE."

The thing with Bella is, is that she's doesn't trust people, especially men. Since what her dad did, she thinks all men are only after sex, big boobs and long legs. I honestly think she should learn to trust more people. If I ever had to accidentally run into Dr. Goldfinch or something, I'm just going to hint to him, that Bella has trust issues. Major trust issues.

But I should also remember that I have my own issues and problems. I think my mom is a bit over-protective, and that she's scared of me getting older, because that means that she's also getting older. But whatever, I'm out of the house in like maximum 3 years, so I think I might be able to cope with it until then. I've often wonder what sort of mother insists upon family dinners on Friday nights? Well I should be grateful that my parents are still together and not enemies like Bella's parents. But still, my mom doesn't want me to be friends with Bella, because her parents are divorced, and she thinks it'll rub off on me, like I said, and that one day I'll have an unsuccessful marriage.

I wish I could just escape, and go to a world where there are no problems like in a fairytale. I really wish that my life was a fairytale. But sadly it isn't. I'm still just Alice Brandon, the short 16 year old girl with spiky raven hair. Sometimes I think maybe I'm over ambitious, but I also believe that everyone is allowed to dream. My dream is to become a newsreader, but if that doesn't work out, I won't mind settling for reporter. That's why, (I know its weird), everyday I record my day on a voice recorder instead of writing it in a diary. My mom doesn't approve, she thinks the reason I do that, is because I'm in love with myself and love the sound of my own voice. And as usual, I recorded my section for today. Sometimes I even type out a news bulletin and then read it to myself so that I can practice for my future career.

Testing, testing 1…2…3…

Monday

Today, exactly two weeks ago, school started for the 1st term. Today was boring as usual. Bella got to school in a bad mood because it was her dads weekend. I think she took all her anger and aggression out on poor Edward. Edward is the new guy in our grade. Bella has practically all her classes with Edward, so they've met each other. But this morning Edward, came over to greet Bella, but she was so rude. At least she remembered to introduce me to him, because I haven't met him. Soon after that he left. Bella doesn't like him, but I think she's too judgemental, and should just give him a chance. I could see this morning that he really tried to be nice. Anyways, I'm supposed to baby-sit the twins tonight. This means I will end up doing Grade 3 homework again, and playing with Action Man, or whatever new toy there is. Laurent and James never listen to me, and it's really hard baby-sitting them especially if you don't get paid.

I think I should become a vegetarian, just to irritate my mom. I mean, the other night I was watching a documentary, and they said that the human jaw wasn't designed too eat meat. Not only that, my mom really can't cook meat, she always over cooks is. The meat is then so dry that I cover it with so much mustard, that some of our plates are actually stained yellow. I know my mom will freak out when I tell her, but she's just going to have to accept it.

In other local news. The Democratic Alliance today announced that the party would be keeping a close watch on the new National Youth Development Agency implemented by President Jacob Zuma on Youth Day. The DA will especially be focusing on spending of the R1 billion budget awarded to the agency. Although there are mixed feeling concerning the agency, a Child Rights Group believes the agency to be a positive development which will focus on the inducement of youths into the economic system.

Okay but that's all for today, I have to go baby sit now, and do my homework and then the twins' homework.

Good night…

Alice (or should I say Mary-Alice?)

Oh whatever!

Good night

Alice

xxx

**To: **Alice

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Life

What's up Alice?

It's Edward Cullen, if you didn't know.

How was your day at school? What are you up to?

If u were wondering, I got your address from Bella, well sort of. She didn't give it to me per say, I saw it in her diary. She was writing down Tanya's address, then I saw yours. Hope u don't mind.

So are you and Bella like best friends?

Edward

**To: **Edward

**From: **Alice

**Subject: **Life

Hi

I'm fine thanks & you?

Not doing much, I just finished my homework, now I have to babysit my younger brothers.

Why do you ask whether we're best friends? We've been since gr.6 right after they moved here from Cape Town.

So long for now

Alice…

**To: **Alice

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Life

I'm not bad either.

It has to suck babysitting younger brothers. How old are they?

Did both her parents move here after they divorced, or only her mom, and now she has to fly down to Cape Town to see her dad?

**To: **Edward

**From: **Alice

**Subject: **Life

They're twins aged 9

Don't be daft.

They divorced after they moved here. They divorced when we were 13.

Why are you so interested in Bella?

**To: **Alice

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Life

I also have a little brother. Also 9.

Ouch!

No particular reason. I'm just trying to understand her better… I really don't see why she hates me so much. I'm trying to fix it and find out why, because as far as I know I haven't given her a reason to be mad at me… yet

**To: **Edward

**From: **Alice

**Subject: **Life

I think she just has a problem trusting people at the moment.

What's with the yet?

**To: **Alice

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Life

Oh.

I think it will be best if we don't mention this to her, because she might get mad at us.

And the yet is just a thing you know?

But thanks anyways…

Good night

Edward

**To: **Edward

**From: **Alice

**Subject: **Life

Wait! I still don't get the yet? How do you mean its just a thing?

I don't know!

xxx

"Alice! I'm hungry!"

"Yeah me too"

"Oh shut up will you! I'm coming!"

The twins. I don't even know what to say about them. Let's see, some adjectives I'd use to describe them would be: annoying, loud, irritating, stupid, spoilt, messy, irksome, exasperating, boisterous and seems like I have momentarily run out of adjectives. I'm sure I'll be able to think of more once one of them opens their mouth again.

"Hurry up!"

"Relax Laurent I'm coming"

I never know which one is speaking so I always just pick the one I think of first.

"It's James"

"Whatever… can you wait another 5 minutes? I have to quickly heat the food"

"But I'm hungry now."

"Eat an apple if your hungry."

"Eeuw!"

"Yuck!"

"Well then you're just going to have to wait for the food."

"Mummy never makes us wait."

"Well guess what."

"What"

"No go on guess guys."

"We can't"

"Just tell us"

"Okay, I will. I'm not mommy so you can wait. And the more you waste my time the longer it will take to prepare the food, so buzz off. I'll call you when the food is heated."

**EPoV**

As I sat back in my chair I contemplated what Alice had just told me. Bella had problems trusting people. It explained a whole lot but hell it didn't give her a reason to be so rude. I also have problems forgetting the past but that doesn't stop me from living and making new friends. Well actually I should probably not make new friends as in the end it would only be detrimental to them, like it was for… them. It was just too soon to think or rather remember. Maybe I should just move and realise I am fighting a loosing battle. But, somewhere at the back of my mind I can't help but think that maybe this isn't a loosing battle…

I nearly fell off my chair when my computer peeped alerting me to a new email. Please let it not be any of them who has found me. I want to start over in Pretoria. I have changed everything possible stopping just short of changing my name. Don't they realise that I want to move forward. Away from them… it.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

So dude. Wazzup?

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

Yo dude. Not much. Just chilling.

You?

What's with the girls subject?

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

Why I'm just chatting to the many lovely ladies I know.

Speaking of which. Which one of these girls do you like?

I bet u its that new girl Tanya??

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

Sorry but I hate to break it to you. I'm not into incest.

My cousin really just isn't my type.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

Dude!!

Do you have anymore cousins? If they are all like Tanya you are one lucky man.

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

Hahahahaha.

But they stay family. Even if Tanya wasn't family I still wouldn't go for her. She's just not my type.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

Woah! Dude then who is?

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

At the moment, no one. I had a bad relationship back in PE. Need some alone time now.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

Oh. Sorry hey dude.

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

Nah. Its cool.

So what can you tell me about that Bella chick?

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

Stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously. Don't even try.

You gonna get burnt boy!!

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

Why?

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

She's just not cool you know.

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

No I don't. explain

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

She is flipping gorgeous don't' get me wrong there but she is just so angry. I used to know her in primary school. She was crazy. Everybody wanted to be her friend but she only let Alice in.

Anyways. After her parents got the big D she turned sour and its been getting worse the last while. But this year she is so moody its actually scary. Like permanent PMS. She used to be such a laugh and her sister is awesome. So cool. Those 2 girls were the best! I'm telling, all the girls wanted to be like them, and all the guys wanted them.

But in the mean time I heard her sister got married to some guy, Emmett McCarty is his name. Bella is just not the same. Like I know the same girl is still there under all that ice, but you're going to need more than a chisel to dig through that.

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

Wow. Ok. It's hard when your parents split.

I'm going to be her friend.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

Good luck dude.

She'd going to break your little heart.

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

What has my heart got to do with anything?

**To: **Edward

**From: **Tyler

**Subject: **Girls!!!!!!!!

Nah. I'll let u find out for yourself.

But don't say I didn't warn you!

**To: **Tyler

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Re: Girls!!!!!!!!

Whatever dude.

Night.

XXX

**BPoV**

"Right Bella. Let's talk about your life as it is for a change and forget the feelings of the past. Tell me about school."

"What would you like to know Doctor?"

"How do you like your school?"

"Honestly? I don't care about school. As soon as school is finished it means real world and that means I can get away from this mess and go somewhere and just have fun and live for a change."

"Where do you want to go?'

"I don't know! Maybe back to Cape Town for Varsity or a gap year overseas, maybe Holland, or a pub in England, or au pair in America. Something that young people do."

"What do you plan on studying?"

"Well I haven't though about that. It's still far away."

"You're right. Concentrate on the now. How do you feel about the teachers at school?"

Did he really just ask me about the teachers at school? You have got to be kidding me. Sometimes when I sit in this bland hospital-style office I really think my mom is wasting my dads money for these sessions. It's not like he even prescribes me any pills so I don't see the reasoning behind why I have to come to a fancy psychiatrist and can't just go to a normal psychologist. Anyways, back to the teachers.

"They don't make a big difference in my life."

"Then who does?"

"Who does what?"

"Make a difference in your life?"

"I don't know, my friends and Rosalie I suppose."

"Why only suppose? "

"Well I don't really know anything since the divorce. Like I just don't know anymore."

"But Bella, the divorce has been over a year now. It's been nearly three years in fact. Shouldn't you by now have started moving on?"

"On to what?"

"Life, getting to know your parents apart and…"

"Oh I know my parents. My mom is bitter and hurt. She can't trust anyone especially men which makes me wonder why she sends me to a male shrink, but hey, who am I to judge her decisions? Oh and as for my father? He just cares about himself! He is the most selfish and egocentric person I know except maybe for Edward!"

"Who is Edward?"

"Is that all you can say? You ask me about the school playboy when I've just insulted both my parents. All you care about is the person I've never mentioned?"

"Is there a reason you mentioned him now?"

"What?! No! Of course not!"

Except maybe for the fact that I hate that he is the same as my dad. A womanizer. Thinking about that now, I still can't decide whether the guy in the _Womanizer _music video is hot or not. Anyways, back to the present situation involving Edward.

"Then who is he?"

"He is like I've already said the school playboy. He is new and in my class."

"Why do you say he is the school playboy?"

"Because he just is Okay!"

"So is it because you said so? Or does he date excessively? "

"Look Doc, I'm really tired. Can we go on with this some other time?"

"You can runaway now Bella, but we will get to the bottom of your hatred for this Edward boy."

"I don't hate him okay!"

"No. You just don't like him. What does Alice think of him?"

"Of Edward? I don't know. They only met a couple of days ago."

"Yes but surely you must've spoken about him"

"Why do you care so much about this?"

"Because I need to understand every aspect of your life to be able to help you."

"Oh."

"Well if you're still so tired, I'll let you off for today. We'll continue next week. Goodbye now."

"Bye Doc."

* * *

So... what's the verdict?? any thoughts??? Please let me know. And if you have any questions, feel free to ask and I'll answer.

Next chapter will be up either Thursday or Friday because I'm going away all of next week...

Review please??


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: SM owns it all. I can only dream.

Hey guys! Thanks for all the revies. Meet you at the bottom!

Chapter 3

After my sessions with Dr Goldfinch I always feel so angry! I hate the way that he sits there calmly judging me thinking he knows the answer to all my problems. Well maybe he doesn't know and maybe only I know because it is my problems after all. I wish that I didn't have to go to him, but at the same time I'm glad I do, because that is my only opportunity to just rant without being interrupted. But I still don't need to see a shrink! At least he doesn't have me on medication. That is where I draw the line. But thing is, I'm not depressed about the divorce, I'm relieved that they are not always fighting anymore, but I'm just so angry!

Couldn't they have tried harder even if it was just for my sake?

Wednesday,

Dear Diary

I've just spent another weekend with my dad. Luckily none of his 'girlfriends' were there, so it was just us. It wasn't really that bad. I got to talk to him like I haven't done in quite a while. He still has guts. I can't believe what he asked me. He asked me to spend the April holidays with him, because he is planning a special trip for just the two of us. He wouldn't tell me where we were going. He said it was a secret, and I would only find out if I went with. If that's not bribing, then I don't know what is. Obviously mom isn't chuffed at all. She says he's only doing it, to buy my love. But he has to remember that love and respect can't be bought, it has to be earned. I think he's going to have to work damn hard to earn my respect again.

At school things are pretty much still the same. Alice and I still hang out together. She still complains about her mom daily. I think Alice is purposefully trying to upset her mom. You wouldn't believe what she's done now. Alice is now a vegetarian. But with a twist. She's only a vegetarian around her mom. When she comes to my house, she practically eats all the meat. She slept over with me at dads place on Saturday night. Dad put some meat on the braai. (barbeque) She ate basically all of the meat. Dad asked me not to invite her with again, not because he doesn't like her, but because she eats too much meat, and according to him in this current economic crisis meat is becoming expensive. I think that's a cheek. Mom wanted to crack when she heard this. She says she's very proud of Alice for irritating dad. But I do think that's wrong of mom to encourage that.

All in all, I think my life is a bit more sorted out since the last time I wrote. I know I'm supposed to write daily, but it's not as if I care. I'm not some nutcase who has to be under observation 24/7. So long for now.

Love

Bella

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Hi!

Hey!

What's with the littlelamb thing? I'm not judging it, I'm just wondering.

So what's up? How's life treating you?

I'm slowly but surely getting used to the new school. I'm not very confidant, so it takes a while for me to get used to something new.

Are you going to the school social on Friday night?

Edward

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Hi.

You could've fooled me.

Of course your not very confidant, your over confidant.

If u have to know, my dad set up my account & he thought it would b cute… because he use to call me lamb when I was younger for some strange reason. So there u have it.

Why do u care if I'm going to the social or not?

Bella

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Manners

You think you've got me all figured out don't you?

Well guess what… there's more to me than meets the eye.

You're right though. I shouldn't care whether you go to the social or not, 'cause that doesn't really matter. I was only trying to be nice.

But just forget it…

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Right back at you

Why do u get all offended if you don't care bout me?

Do you feel sorry for me, is that why your trying to be nice? Poor little Bella, she comes from a broken home, and hasn't spoken to her sister in 2 months… well guess what. I was fine before you got here & i'll be fine now…

Bella

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Right back at you

Don't use the 'my parents are divorced' line 'cause, at least you know both your parents! But you don't see me always being in a mood about not knowing where I come from! Did you know that I was adopted by the Cullens? I don't even know who my real parents are. No you didn't know, 'cause you don't care about anyone but yourself.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Right back at you

Don't psycho-analyze me. I have a shrink for that.

You're right I didn't know about your parents, 'cause you haven't told anyone. And I'm sorry about the you not knowing your real parents thing.

Why are you always trying to be nice to me?

Bella

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **WOW!

I thought it would be pretty obvious. I want to be your friend. But u know it's like impossible to get to know you 'cause your always fighting with me. But I know one thing. You don't really think much of me. I don't know why but, I think, I'm tired of trying to be your friend.

So long Bella

Edward Cullen

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Get over yourself

1 question before you ignore for all eternity.

Were did u get my address?

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Look who's talking!

from Alice

xxx

"Mary-Alice Brandon, I'm going to kill you!"

"Chill out Bella, what did I do?"

"Don't act all innocent. Why did you give my email address to Edward Cullen?"

"Oh my gosh. That was like ages ago."

"Why didn't you ask me first, Alice"

"Because I know you would've said no"

"Maybe I would've said no for a reason"

"Oh come on Bella, the guy is not that bad!"

"Easy for you to say"

"What did he do that was so bad?"

"He sent me all these weird e-mails asking all sorts of freaky questions, about my profile name, whether or not I'm going to the social on Friday night and stuff like that."

Thank the pope I mentioned the social! That will definitely distract Alice from trying to convince me Edward is not a jerk, which she now does on an almost daily basis. Everyday it's a different version of "Bella you should give Edward a chance, he is not such a bad guy!"

"Are you going?" Like I said, the dance will distract her.

"I don't know, are you?"

"I think we should go."

"What are you going to wear?"

"I don't know. But I do know you should apologise to Edward."

Back to square one. Edward.

"What? No."

"Why not?"

"He should apologise first."

"Bella, he's tried to befriend you, he can't put in all the effort. Friendship must come from both sides."

"Who ever said I want to be his friend?"

"Don't be so stuck up, he isn't that bad."

"You didn't see the stuff he wrote to me."

"Well show me then."

"Fine, come let's go to the computer room."

"You must show me your outbox as well, so that I can see what you wrote, and then make a fair judgement."

"Suit yourself."

Bella,

It's totally not that bad. He was rude, but you were just as rude, so that makes both of you equally rude. I still think you should apologise to him. Please write back, but be careful, don't let Mr. Lotz catch us.

Alice

Alice,

You know I don't like admitting that I was wrong. Not that I think I was wrong. But you're probably right. We were both equally rude and obnoxious. All I want to know, is why does he want to be my friend so badly? And just for the record, letter-writing in class is so primary school.

Bella

Bella,

Did it ever occur to you that he thinks beneath the layer of ice there might actually be a nice, loving and caring person? Although he is completely wrong if he thinks that, but I'm not gonna tell him. Let him find out the hard way. I'm just joking by the way! And FYI Ms Swan. Letter writing is cool.

Alice…

Alice,

Ha Ha Ha. It's not a very funny joke. I'll speak to him at break. Now concentrate because you

wouldn't want to miss another minute of this exciting geography lesson.

Bella

I tried speaking to Edward at break. But it was impossible. I called him, but he just looked at me and ignored me. It was weird. It was like he was purposefully trying to avoid me. Tanya then came over to me. She asked me, if she should pass the message along to Edward since she sees him after break in Accounting. I didn't give her a message, I mean how could I? Should I just say, "Tanya, apologise to Edward for me." First of all she would want to know why I need to apologise to him, and secondly I think it's rude and impersonal doing it that way.

Well I tried.

Alice obviously said I shouldn't give up so easily, but who is she to talk? It is a well-known fact that she has had a crush on Jasper Hale. It's not as if she is doing anything about the situation. She doesn't even speak to him. Angela reckons I should phone him tonight, and apologise. But Angela doesn't know what she is talking about, because the only guy she ever talks to is Ben. Ben and Angela have been dating for almost a year. They are the longest running couple in the schools history. Not that the school has a very expansive history. It is only 7 years old. It is a Private School. My mom decided to put me in a private school after the divorce, because my dad has to pay the extortionate school fees. But I only went there, because Alice went there as well.

To add insult to injury, Rosalie fetched me from school this afternoon. Edward was standing , and joking around with Tyler. Rosalie parked right next to them. Tyler spoke to Rosalie a bit and then he greeted me, but Edward just looked at me. I guess it's weird seeing myself and Rosalie together since we look nothing alike with her being a gorgeous blonde bombshell and me... well being me. But it's weird, normally every guy in Rosalie's vicinity would stare unabashedly at her, but not Edward. He spared her a quick glance and then just looked at me.

Then Tyler said, "Dude, I thought you and Bella are friends."

And then Edward said, "I thought so too."

I got into the car after that, and luckily I didn't hear what else was being said about me. Rosalie knows Tyler, because she was friends with his older brother Eric. She obviously asked me, who Edward was. But she didn't only say that.

"Hi Bella. Who is that guy standing next to Tyler?"

"Edward Cullen, he's new."

"Oh well he's hot. You should definitely be at least friends with him any maybe hook-up with him or something."

Geez Rosalie. One-track mind much?

But she was right. Edward is good-looking. He has the most unique shade of bronze hair, and a clear, pale skin just like me. His eyes are definitely his best feature. Emerald green. I don't really know Edward, so I can't judge his personality. I don't mind getting to know people, but the only problem I have with Edward, is, that he is knows that he is hot. He also uses that as an advantage. If Rosalie thinks he's hot, well then he really has to be, because her standards are really high. I mean she married Emmett for crying out loud and he is hot if I do say so myself. But at the same time he is totally not my type since bear-sized body builders just don't do it for me…

"Well Rosalie why do you care about some schoolboy when you just got married?"

"Because I want my little sister to be just as happy as I am."

"Well not everyone can be okay."

"Why are you so angry today?"

"PMS I suppose?"

Aaah… the good old PMS excuse. It works like magic every time. I don't know what it is, but lately a lot of people have asked me why I am so moody, or angry, or emo, or anti-social or whatever, and my standard answer is PMS. It usually shuts people up pretty quickly. Especially guys, not that many of the male influence at our school still speak to me. I don't know why that is either. I used to be quite popular with a few guy friends, but now I have like none.

"So it has nothing to do with Edward?"

"Why would it have anything to do with him?"

"Because I saw the way you guys looked at each other?"

"Oh so are you en expert in noticing pure loathing between two people? Or after reading a million issues of _Heat _every week, are you finally a body language expert?"

"You know what Bella. Stop being such a bitch. Bitches aren't attractive."

"Yeah, tell that to male dogs."

"Male dogs only find bitches attractive when they are in heat."

"Shut it Rose."

"Whatever. I just think he's hurt. I could see it in his eyes."

"Sure Rose, in his eyes. Whatever he was adopted by the Cullens and doesn't know who his real parents are."

"Yeah that could be it, but I think it's more. Because if he doesn't know his real parents he must've known the Cullens for quite a while. I think you hurt him Bells.

"Oh please, and next you're going to tell me that he confessed his undying love for me to you. And don't call me Bells."

"He might if you give him a chance."

"What makes you think I want his undying love?"

"Every girl wants that earth shattering love."

"Oh Rosalie get real! Not everybody is as lucky as you are!"

"Just relax Bella! I don't know why you are so uptight but I'm telling you that if I were that Edward boy, I wouldn't even waste my time with you."

Wow. That hurt. My own sister telling me I'm too much of a bitch for a guy to talk too. Is it really that bad?

"Oh my word Rosalie, am I really that bad?"

"I don't know. It seems that way."

"But I just can't control it. I just hate feeling like this and I want it to stop. But I don't know how, and I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I don't understand it Rosie."

"Then let go of the anger Bella. Just let it go."

"But I can't…"

"I will help you. But just give me time to think of something to help you."

"Okay."

"And Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop blaming everything on PMS. It's a lame excuse and we can all see through it."

And then it hit me. This was the first time all week that I laughed. Just truly let go and laughed. And already it felt lighter. That is until I turned around and saw who was sitting in the car next to me watching me with a look of disbelief on his face. I felt so ashamed. I had tears streaming down my face from the screaming match with Rosalie, but now we were both laughing so much. I saw him shake his incredulously and turn away as I waved at him. That made me laugh even harder. I reached to turn on the car stereo. Rosalie always had our CD in. As I skipped tracks to track 5 we started singing along to Gazelle, _Die Verlore Seun _(The lost boy).

As we turned into the estate I saw Edward staring at us with an open mouth. But Rosalie and I were still singing and dancing in the car. At that moment I didn't care who saw me and what those people thought, because for that moment I was happy and that was all that really mattered. But then reality struck.

**EPoV**

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **Hey

Bella, you looked amazing when you laughed today. I couldn't keep my eyes of you. It's just like... wow. Words can't even describe. I want to be the one to bring out that expression on your face. I want to be the one to know that I'm making you happy. I only want you to be happy. With me.

I sat at my desk contemplating whether or not to send Bella that message. After weighing up the pro's and con's I came to the conclusion to rather not send it. There weren't many pro's or con's, but somehow the idea of Bella slapping me through the face kept popping up. Cowardly I know but things are already so fragile with her that I don't want to risk it any further. It was all such a delicate balance when she was around. It was exhilarating and exhausting.

When I saw her sister get out the car today he could see what Tyler meant when he said that those two had been fun. Rosalie was just so much different from Bella at the moment that it was hard to believe they were sisters. Rosalie looked happy and friendly, the way Bella probably used to be. Right now I really didn't like Bella's dad much, but I have enough sense to realise that if I said that to her she would probable never speak to me again. That thought was a scary one.

I have to find a way to get through to Bella. A thought suddenly struck me. The school social tomorrow night seemed the perfect opportunity. After carefully hatching a plan I decided to put the wheels in motion immediately. A few phone calls later and it was all organised. I was excited for what was waiting tomorrow night. If only I could get her to laugh like she did this afternoon. She looked like an angel. So happy and so carefree. When she started singing though, the angelic Bella disappeared and in place came a very tone death Bella. I could hear them sing from my seat in Esme's car and it wasn't really a nice sound. But it was good to know that she could relax and just have fun sometimes.

**BPoV**

Tomorrow night is the school social. I can't go. I promised Rosalie and Emmett that I would go out with them. I'm not sure where we are going, but it better be good, because I'm missing out on the School Social. I haven't told Alice that I'm not going, but I did tell her that I have to go out with Rosalie and Emmett this weekend, I just didn't tell her when. I should probably phone her, and tell her, so that she can find someone else to go with, or whatever. She's going to be really mad at me, because I promised her that I would go. I really forgot about the social when I organised the date with Rosalie. If I cancel with Rosalie and Emmett she is going be mad at me. It's a lose-lose situation. Either way somebody is going to be mad at me. I just have to decide who I want to be mad at me. I have spoken to mom about it, but she says it up to me. I'm sure Rosalie will understand if I phone her, maybe we can postpone it.

"Hi Alice."

"Hey, listen are you going to the social tomorrow night?"

"I don't know, because you know the thing with Rosalie and Emmett, it's tomorrow night."

"Can't you phone Rosalie and ask her if you can do it another time?"

I could hear from Alice's tone of voice that she wasn't happy with what I just told her. I can't blame her though.

"That's what I'm planning to do, but I don't know if she's going be happy with that."

"I'm sure she will understand. I mean she was young once. And in high school."

"Yeah but what if she has reservations at some fancy restaurant?"

"I don't know. Will you please phone her quickly, and let me know if you're going, because I have to decide what I'm going wear, if I go."

"I don't know what I'm going wear either."

The rest of the conversation was spent discussing possible outfits. Alice had about a million dresses in he closet since her mom insisted upon dresses for church each Sunday. We finally decided upon the dress she wore to her confirmation. It was probably the most daring dress she's ever worn in church, but it's so beautiful. I still didn't have a clue what to wear but I guess that's tomorrows problem because right at this moment I have other things to worry about. Like fixing whatever is broken between Edward and myself.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **I'm sowy =(

Hey Edward,

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to be rude.

Thing is, I'm scared to let people into my life, 'cause I've been hurt badly before. I know your not like everyone else, but the fear still remains.

Please forgive me?

Bella

xxx

I waited two hours. Still no reply. I get it that he's mad at me but really, the least he could do was reply. Even if it was just a simple leave me alone Bella I would've understood. But this silence/ ignore Bella thing is killing me!

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **I'm supa sowy =(

Please reply…

Just say something.

Anything.

xxx

Three hours after the first message. Still nothing. I get it. He doesn't want to speak to me.

I know it's late but I suppose I should phone Rosalie now.

"Hi, it's Emmett McCarty speaking."

"Hi Emmett, it's Bella, can I speak to Rosalie please?"

"Sorry kiddo, but she's asleep."

"Oh okay."

"Can I take a message for you, or can this wait for tomorrow night?"

"Um… well it's about tomorrow night. We have a social at school, and I completely forgot about it, when Rosalie and I set the date."

"So you really want to go to this social?"

"Well yes, if you guys don't mind. I know it's a bit short notice, but can we postpone it to Saturday night, or maybe next weekend?"

"You're with your Dad next weekend."

"Yes I know, but I'll phone Rosalie on Saturday, to organise something."

"Okay I'll tell her. Enjoy your social. If you like maybe we can come and fetch you after the social, and then you sleep over at our place."

"I don't know, I'll speak to my mom, and to Rosalie."

"Okay. Bye now"

"Bye Emmett."

Well that was productive. Now onto Alice.

"Hey Bella, what did Rosalie say?"

"Emmett said it's fine, he'll fetch me, and then I can sleep over there when it's over."

"Why Emmett, where's Rosalie?"

"Rosalie was sleeping."

"Brilliant. What are you going to wear?"

"I don't know. Can you come over tomorrow after school to help me decide?"

"That sounds cool, listen I have to go now, my mom is going kill me, because I'm supposed to help the twins study vocab."

"What about your homework?"

"It's done."

"You should really tell your mom, that you're in grade 10 now, and that you can't rush your work anymore to help them."

"I guess I should. Bye"

"Bye see you at school"

Well tomorrow I'll just have to speak to Edward in person since he's ingnoring my emails. Even if he doesn't want to talk to me I'll force him to listen to me because honestly I feel really bad about what happened the other night and I don't want to leave things like that. Bad karma and all.

So tomorrow is D-day. Sort things-out-with-Edward-day.

* * *

Sorry this update is like a week late but I forgot because strange things happened. Anyways... who is as upset as I am that the USA lost to Brazil in the final of the confederations cup?? I was crying. Really. I supported USA from the beginning! Even went to some of their matches and then Brazil had to go and win!!!

Anyways... just a general question. Who has had weird dates?? because I'd honestly feel better if I knew there was someone else out there that also has to suffer through freaky dates like me. So please tell me there is someone else out there who has also suffered a series of awkward dates that will definitely NOT go anywhere!

Ok... so hope ya'll enjoyed this chappie and please review and let me know!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: SM owns all. Not moi...

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Rosalie you can't just come and fetch me from school, to go shopping."

"Don't worry about it, I organised it with mom."

This is insane. My crazy older sister -whom I haven't seen in like forever beside for yesterday- just fetched me from school to go shopping. Shopping of all things! She knows how much I hate shopping. I detest it. Loathe it. Why is she doing this to me? And during school of all times! Mom will kill her when she finds out.

"Oh really, can I phone her, and ask her?"

"Yes, she said it would be good for just the two of us to get out a bit."

"But Rosalie, I don't have any money at all."

"Didn't I tell you, it's my treat. Emmett gave me a card to use how ever I please, and I want to use it to buy you some decent clothes.

"You can't just use Emmett's money to buy me clothes! And it's not like I need clothes."

"Yes I can. Emmett loves you and wouldn't mind. And a girl always needs nice stuff. Like if you go out for instance."

"What's the occasion Rosalie? Why do I suddenly need new clothes?"

"Nothing, Can't I treat my little sis a bit?"

Okay. Something is definitely up. I love Rose but she never acts this way. Usually she is very straight forward. Not so illusive.

"Ya, but a normal treat would be taking me for a milkshake, not a whole new wardrobe."

"Bella a girl needs new clothes every once in a while and we both know neither mom or dad will buy you new clothes."

"Yeah do you really know? Because when things got though Rose, you moved out. Left me to deal with everything on my own. So what do you really know about what's going on between our parents?"

"Yes I left you Bella, but it's the past and I want to start making up for it now."

"Whatever."

"Look Bella, you've had a difficult couple of years, after the divorce, I cut myself of completely. I moved in with Emmett, and worked hard on our relationship, and made sure that he was the guy for me. The reason why we went to Las Vegas, was because I didn't want a big family wedding, because can you imagine what mom and dad would say to each other?"

"So you feel guilty?"

"Yes, and No. I don't feel guilty for going to Las Vegas, what I feel guilty about, is shutting you out of my life the last few years."

Suddenly I realised that she did what she had to at the time. It might not have been the best decision ever, but for her it was the right decision and maybe if I was her age I would've done exactly the same. But at least she is trying now. Putting in the effort. I should probably cut her some slack. Better late than never after all.

"It's fine, I've learnt to cope, by myself, plus I have Alice most of the time."

"Well can we just forget that we've had some trouble in the past, and start today with a new leaf, and promise to include each other, in each other's life's?"

"Fine by me. Where are we going?"

I was tired of this conversation. It just feels as if lately all everyone wants to talk about is the divorce, and how I'm dealing with it. I'm coping and that's all that's necessary.

"Let's go to Menlyn"

"Cool."

"So are we going get you a dress for the social or what?"

"I knew there was a reason why you suddenly insisted upon this shopping trip!"

"What no! It's not just for the social. You can wear this dress next month at Emmett and my wedding party that Matilda insists upon hosting. She wants to get to know you actually."

"I know. She told me."

"So are we getting you a dress or what?"

"Well let's see what there is, and then decide."

"Okay, but it has got to be something that will blow Edward's mind away."

"What?!"

"You know the new guy I saw yesterday."

"I know who you're talking about, but who ever said I want to impress him."

"Oh come on, I might be married, but I know what's going on in the world. I can see that all the girls like him."

"What makes you think that I like him?"

"The way you looked at him the other day."

"I tried to get his attention yes, but for a completely different reason."

"It wasn't that. It was something more Bella. Trust me I know. I am older than you."

"Yeah. Thing is Rosalie. There is nothing going on between us, no matter what you and Alice believe, and I just had a reason to speak to him."

"And what might that reason be, if I might ask?"

"I wanted to apologise."

"Apologise for what?"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you about it sometime."

"You bet you will."

As it turns out Rosalie only took me shopping, because she believes that Edward and I are meant for one another. Which is so not true. Anyways, so she wants me to wear a dress that will impress him for some strange reason. Why I don't know and I honestly don't even care why. We went to Menlyn, and at YDE, I found the most amazing outfit! It is absolutely gorgeous.

I went back to Rosalie's and Emmett's so that Rosalie could help me to get ready, and after she'd take me back home, so that mom can see me and take some photos. So typical of my mother. She's probably going to make a scrapbook page of these photo's and them frame it and hang it next to the frontdoor. I also had to pack a bag for the sleep-over at Rosalie's place. Turns out mom was actually planning on going on a date, that's why she wanted me away from home.

Rosalie was really nice when she helped me to get dressed. She waxed my legs for me, so they were totally smooth! She also put my make-up on. It looked really beautiful if I do say so myself. She also did my nails, in this soft pink colour, that's exactly the same colour as the pink in the dress. The dress is really gorgeous. It is a dark brown dress, with tiny light and dark pink flowers on it. It ties around your waist with the thinnest pink ribbon. All around the neck, and bottom of the dress there are small pink sequences. My hair was in loose curls with soft flowers in to accessorise it. It looked really relaxed, and boho. I love it. I really do. I wore brown gladiator sandals because I just out and out refused to wear heels like Rosalie wanted me to, and had the most beautiful pink bracelet on. I bought a stunning pink and brown bag from Accessorize. All in all I looked stunning. When my mom saw me she started crying, she said I looked like someone from a movie. Emmett couldn't believe his eyes either. I quickly packed my bag before we left. And before we left, I also quickly sent one email though.

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

I am sorry.

Really I am.

.

Emmett, Rosalie and I quickly went to Jesse and Matilda. Jesse agreed to lend us his maroon Mercedes CLS to take me to school. On our way there, I got a sms from Alice, demanding where I was. I told her that I was on my way. She said she was waiting outside at the front of the school for me. I told her not to expect my mom's car, but rather a maroon Mercedes CLS.

When we drove into the school gate, I could immediately see Alice. She looked great in a tight fighting yellow dress. And her mom would probably kill her if she had to see her in it.

But what really caught my attention, was the guy next to her. He looked so handsome, well sexy actually. It took me a while to realise who it was, and that it was actually Edward. I was totally freaked out. I could see what Rosalie meant. This guy is damn hot! As we got closer Alice waved at us. Suddenly Edward looked up, the look on his face was really nervous, I think.

When Emmett pulled over, Edward walked up to the car, and opened my door for me. I was so surprised. But soon I was really shocked, he handed me a pink rose. It was such a beautiful rose. It matched my dress perfectly. Then Emmett got out of the car, and introduced himself to Edward, and made Edward promise to look after me, because if anything happened, he would have to answer to him. I then decided to take Emmett aside, and have a quick chat with him.

"Em you're not my dad, you're my brother-in-law."

"But I like to think that I'm your older brother, and what's wrong with caring."

"Nothing, it's just that you're embarrassing me."

"So you're basically saying I'm doing a good job?"

I could tell from the big grin on Emmett's face that he wanted to embarrass me but that he also did it because he really does care. I am the love of his life's – a.k.a Rosalie – younger sister.

"Go fly. Now just act normal if you could and go home to Rosalie. Treat her a bit."

"Sorry kiddo. No can do."

"What does that mean?"

"We volunteered to keep the peace here and watch people sneaking of into dark corners."

"No you didn't!"

"Of course we did."

"I'm going to kill you slowly so that it hurts… a lot!"

"You should really let go of all that anger and aggression inside Bella, it's not very attractive."

"Just leave me alone tonight. And tell Rosalie."

"Yeah okay Kiddo. Now go kiss that boy."

Have I mentioned that I hate Emmett? I mean did he really just tell me to go kiss Edward? I mean honestly? _Although now that he mentions it… No! Don't even go there! _But I mean really? First he's all like I'm watching you and then he's like go kiss him! What the hell. Talk about split personalities. But what I don't get is the Edward thing. Him opening my door, giving me the flower, Emmett warning him. I thought he was mad at me. He didn't reply to any of my messages.

xxx

Saturday

Dear Diary

Last night was the school social. I am so confused. I mean I honestly don't get what is going on. After my fight via email with Edward on Wednesday night he ignored me the whole of Thursday, and never replied to any of my emails, and then last night at the dance he sort of asked me to be his date. It's weird.

I was so surprised when I got there and he opened the car door for me and gave me a rose. I really didn't get what was going on. And then after my little talk with Emmett, Edward came to me and said the following:

"Bella you look absolutely stunning. I even know any words to describe how beautiful you are. Please Bella can I at least have one dance with you?"

The way he asked it made him seem so vulnerable. Almost as if I would bite him. _Which you know there is a slight possibility of that, but I doubt he was even thinking of that type of bite. He was more thinking of the rotweiler type of bite than love bite…_

I didn't know how to respond to his question so I just took his hand and together we walked to the school hall where the dance was being held. I can't describe it, but for some reason, holding his hand just felt right. Like it was meant to be. Almost as if our interlaced fingers was a sign that we could do anything, as long as we're together.

When we entered the hall he immediately lead me over to the drinks table and got both of us a coke. Still holding hands we walked out together. In all that time we still hadn't said anything to each other which wasn't awkward at all. The silence just felt right.

We just walked around in the dark at school holding hands. We didn't say anything, just sipped our cokes. For once in my life I really didn't know what to say. I didn't want to ruin the moment with Edward. I think he felt the same way because never before have we been able to be in each other's company without fighting.

After an hour of us just being together, I finally decided it was time to break the silence. I asked him to go dance, and I was rewarded with a crooked smile that –and I'm not lying- made my insides melt. It was just so gorgeous. I shyly returned his smile, and he squeezed my hand in acknowledgment of the moment we just shared.

When we got back to the hall a slow song was playing. I did a quick survey of who was on the dance floor and noticed Alice and Jasper dancing together. Edward led me to the middle of the dance floor where there was an open spot. He then let go of my hand, and wrapped both his arms around my waist. I then wrapped my arms around his neck. And after a warning from me to him about my inability to dance all he could do was chuckle. Which was okay I guess because that just made him pull me closer to him. We then danced. Don't ask me how, because I don't know. All I know is that we were moving together to the beat of the music, even if it was only a slow song.

After a few slow songs in succession I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked up into his eyes, to see that he was looking down at me with such intensity that it scared me. But there was more than just that indescribable intensity in is eyes. There was something that looked a lot like sadness, pain and hurt. I realised then that what Rosalie said was true. Edward was hurt and it wasn't necessarily my fault.

There was only one word to describe the feeling between us.

Tender.

What we had was tender. Tender in every sense of the word. Tender because Edward was gentle and kind with me. Tender because like soft meat, this thing between us was easy to cut through. Tender because like a bodily wound we both shared emotional wounds that would be painful to touch. Tender because this thing between us is young and vulnerable like a new born. Tender because if a severe storm had to hit this thing between us now it would be easily damaged.

Without thinking I reached one hand up and gently stroked is cheek. I could feel him lean into me, and that was enough for both of us. I think we both knew that for tonight it was all that was needed. Well actually I thought we both mutually agreed on that. But obviously not, because he then leaned down and I could see his eyes staring at my lips. Realisation hit me like a ton of bricks.

Edward Cullen was going to kiss me.

I don't know why I pushed him away, but I did. For some reason I couldn't let him kiss me. I think it was because I was scared of ruining the thing between us. Or for the tender moment to heat up by us acknowledging our true feelings and turning into something more than tender.

As I ran out the hall I ran past Rosalie and Emmett who were also dancing. I only had time to tell them that we were leaving before I ran off again. I couldn't afford to let Edward run after me.

I still don't know why I ran away. Why I didn't let him kiss me. I can't describe it, can't explain it, all I know is that for some strange odd reason, I regret it.

Is it too late to say I want to kiss him?

So there you have it diary. I think I ruined a good thing. Does Edward believe in second chances?

Love

Bella.

As I looked over the last sentence I wrote, I couldn't help but wonder. _Does Edward believe in second chances?_

Well there's only really one way to find out...

xxx

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **unworthy

Do you believe in second chances?

.

As I waited for his reply I didn't know what I wanted to hear. Did I want him to say yes or no? I also couldn't help but wonder what he was going to say. Was he going to say yes or no?

My email pinged which alerted me to the arrival of a new message in my inbox. Anxiously I opened it. But when I saw it was from Alice I couldn't help but be sad. Never the less, I read her message.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Alice

**Subject: **Ola my friend-a-loon!

You have soooo much explaining to do missy!!!

Phone me!! Capeesh??

And Jasper is sooooooooo perfect. I think I love him.

Love your friendie

Alice!!

P.S. You and Edward = perfect together.

.

I didn't know what to say to that message. Honestly I didn't. Especially the last part. And how can she already be in love with Jasper?

Just as I was about to exit my email program it pinged again indicating another new message. With a huge sense of trepidation I looked in my inbox to see Edward's name in bold. My finger hovered above the button until I finally had enough courage to open his message.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **unworhty

No.

.

The single word broke my heart. In all honestly I can now say that I didn't expect him to say no. Seeing that single word on the screen hurt me more than I could ever have imagined.

My email pinged once again to indicate that I had another email. With tears in my eyes I opened it. The words contained in that message made me cry.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **worthy

But for you I will.

* * *

Thanks for the reviews guys. Review again and let me know what you're thinking? Is Bella's heart melting? Or is she just being a drama queen?


	5. Chapter 5

I'm sooooo sorry this has taken so long to come out! But classes started 3 weeks ago and I've just been so swamped with class, work, studying and being sick!!

Disclaimer: SM owns all. Not moi!

* * *

**Chapter 5 **

**(APoV)**

Testing…testing… 1… 2… 3…

.

Saturday

So last night was the school social. I feel so sorry for Bella. I realised last night that she is a social disaster! Edward was so into her and she just pushed him away. I mean who does that? They would really make a nice couple. They would look so good together. I mean with his good looks, and her beauty. They would be like a real Hollywood couple. But as I already said. She pushed him away. But I suppose it's none of my business. But really… is she crazy??? If she wasn't already seeing a shrink I would've told her to get her head checked. I mean seriously. I think Rosalie would agree with me.

I actually saw Rosalie and Emmett together last night and they are so wonderful together. You can clearly see that they both adore each other, though I must admit that it was a bit weird them being at our dance. But they were chaperones. Rather them than my parents is what I'm saying because my deranged mother would totally be a chaperone if she knew the school needed any.

But enough about Bella. I really enjoyed the dance. I danced like the whole night. I danced with a couple of people. But the best dance was probably with Jasper. He is so amazing. But for some odd reason I get the feeling Jasper has always been completely oblivious to me, but then last night it didn't feel that way. He was so… sweet. I don't know but it just feels like we're at the start of something more. Well at least I hope we are.

In all honesty, I want so much more from Jasper than just friendship. Friendship just seems so mediocre compared to what I know we are capable of achieving together. I just hope he will realise soon that we are meant to be together.

Alice and Jasper. I like the sound of that.

Okay I've got to go. The twins are coming up to my room.

Bye

Alice

xxx

"Are you guys daft or something? Don't you know that this part of the house is out of bounds to you?"

I hate it when they come up to my room. I've asked them so many millions of times not to come here. To just stay the hell away!!! But do they listen? Nooooo.

"But we just want to ask you something" I could sense that they were actually being sincere and that the question they were going to ask wasn't going to be some gag question like "why do you have boobies?" or something similar.

"Well don't." It's not that I don't want to answer their question it's just that I've got to play the role of the agonising older sister. Especially because if I were actually nice to them that would make my mother happy and that would be totally against my quest to anger my mom as much as possible.

"Please Alice"

"Dude were meant to call her Mary-Alice remember. It's so silly" Aaah yes. They remembered my mothers stupid new rule. And I'm glad they agree that it is silly.

"You guys are intruding, so just ask your stupid question and go away."

"Alice we were wondering if you and Bella want to have a camp-out with us tonight?"

"What? No, you two are going to terrorise us!"

"It's not just going to be us. We were going to invite Greg, Omar and Anthony."

"Anthony has an older brother" As if that is suppose to sell their crazy idea to me!

"Okay, I know Greg and Omar, but who is this Anthony kid?"

"Anthony Cullen. He just moved here from Port Elizabeth. "

"Anthony Cullen you say? And this Anthony has an older brother?"

What are the chances that Anthony and Edward are brothers? I mean Cullen isn't such a common surname. They're probably not real brothers. They're probably adopted brothers, since Edward is adopted and all.

"Like we said, Anthony has an older brother who we can introduce you to."

"I know. And what do you know about this older brother? Like name, age, grade, school."

"We don't know everything, but he is in your school and Anthony calls him Eddie."

"Eddie. Nice name. But why exactly are you telling me about this… Eddie?"

"Well because mom said that you and Bella have to baby sit us, and we thought that if Eddie came along, then you guys will also have a friend."

"Also Alice, mom said that if you and Bella don't watch us then we can't have the camp-out, and we really really really really want to camp, so please please say yes!"

"Pretty please?"

"Fine. Go ask dad to set up the tents. The big one for all you boys, and the small one for Bella and myself. Also tell Anthony to bring Eddie."

Just as they were about to leave my room I thought of something. This is a perfect opportunity for me to get closer to Jasper if I invite him, and it will also be a perfect opportunity for Jasper and Edward to become friends. It will be like killing two birds with one stone, because well Jasper and I are inadvertently going to end up together and so will Bella and Edward (or at least I hope they do), and Bella and myself are best friends and we spend a lot of time together, so the boys will have to learn to get along to keep their ladies happy. So yeah, all in all it would be a win-win situation to invite Jasper.

I'm so awesome. My awesomeness should just be bottled and sold and then I'll turn into an instant millionaire!

"Boys! Can I invite one more friend?"

"Sure Allie. Anything you want."

"Who is it?"

"It's my friend Jasper. He can keep Edward company and play with you boys."

"Is he like your boyfriend?"

"Eeuw! Are you going to like kiss him?"

"No boys. He's just a friend. And someday when you get older you will realise that it's fun kissing the opposite sex. And that cooties are a myth unless... no let me not share that part with you. Just trust me. Kissing is fun."

"No it's not! I hate it when Grandma Heahter kisses me. It's so wet!"

"No one likes kissing their grandmothers trust me. Okay but run along now boys. Go set up the tents and go ask dad to buy meat for the braai and ask mom to get some sweets like chocolates, chips, marshmallows and cooldrinks like Crème Soda, Fanta and Coke."

"Okay."

"Thanks Alice! You're the bestest best older sister in the whole wide world!"

"I'm you're only older sister. Now leave. It's going to be a mission to convince Bella to come. Oh and boys. Whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not say anything about Eddie coming to Bella. And about Jasper coming to mom."

"Why not?"

"Because then the camp out is cancelled."

Cruel I know. But you have to be harsh sometimes. If Bella finds out that Edward is coming then she will most definitely not come and its imperative that those two sort out their issues. Bella is my best friend in the world, and I love her to bits but I really think she needs to get her shit sorted out. Especially where Edward is concerned because that boy would do just about anything for her. I mean look, so far he has taken all the shit she has handed out to him and still comes back for more so he must really like her. And then my mom can never find out that Jasper is coming. It's okay if she sees him here but she can't know before hand. It's not like she'll actually ask him to leave after he gets here because she is afraid to come of as rude so she'll be over nice to him.

xxx

**To: **Bella

**From: **Alice

**Subject: **Brothers

Go on MXit.

We need to talk.

.

**To: **Alice

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Brothers

Aye Aye captain.

See you there.

xxx

**Bella: **so what's up?

**Alice: **little brothers, that's what.

**Bella: **what did they do now?

**Alice:** surprisingly, nothing yet.

**Bella: **Yet?

**Alice:** They want to have a camp-out tonight.

**Bella: **so what has that got to do with you?

**Alice: **they want us to join them.

**Bella: **us?

**Alice: **yip

**Bella: **so what did you say?

**Alice: **I said I would speak to you about it

**Bella: **oh

**Alice: **so are you up for it?

**Bella: **I dunno…

**Alice:** I think it would be kind of fun… we never did stuff like that

**Bella: **I suppose it would. But the tweebs will terrorise us

**Alice: **exactly what I said but they promised they wouldn't

**Bella: **And you believe them

**Alice: **of course I do. They need us remember.

**Bella: **but y us?

**Alice: **it sounds to me like they are having a party and my parents are going out. I think

**Bella: **oh… so whats in it for us

**Alice: **james promised we could meet Anthony's older brother…

**Bella: **who is Anthony?

**Alice: **a new friend who just moved here

**Bella: **oh

**Alice: **so what do u say? Are we gonna do it?

**Bella: **I think so

**Alice: **good!! I'm actually quite excited

**Bella: **Awesome, so we'll make plans tomorrow?

**Alice: **sounds good to me. We should torture their little souls…

**Bella: **not a bad idea actually… see you later

**Alice: o**k… bye bye

**Bella: **bye

ALICE IS NOW OFFLINE

xxx

"So how are we getting on with operation torture the tweebs?"

"Were not. My mom doesn't want only the two girls to watch over the boys, she wants at least one responsible guy there."

"No, so is your dad going to join us?"

"What? No. my parents are going out. Remember I told that the Anthony boy had an older brother?"

"Should I be scared?"

"Um, no, just slightly alarmed. My mom has officially lost it. She wants Anthony's older brother to join."

Okay so technically that's not true, but what Bella doesn't know won't kill her. Although she might kill me.

"What! But why?"

"If I understood how my mom's inner mind worked or rather didn't work, I would have the answer to lots of questions."

"But she can't just invite some random stranger!"

"My point exactly!"

"So what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't. I suppose there is only one thing we can do."

"Which is?"

"Just hang out with the dude. It's only going to be for one night then we never have to speak to him again."

"I suppose."

"Who are you with this weekend?"

"My mom."

"So you should be able to come?"

"I'm going to come. My mom is not stopping me."

"Has your dad told where you are going for the holidays?"

"Nope."

"Are you going to go with him?"

"I don't know. Do you think I should?"

"Yes, he said it was only going to be the two of you, and your always complaining that you don't get enough time with him, so maybe this is your big chance."

"Maybe you're right. I should go with him, because what else am I going to do here?"

"I'm just going ignore the last question."

"You do that. Should I phone him and tell him?"

"I think so."

"Okay… here goes nothing."

"Ask him where you're going."

"Hi Dad, it's me Bella, Are you busy? … I just want to ask you one quick question... Dad where are we going for the holiday? …. I'm not going with you unless you tell me where we are going… Please Dad, just tell me… No it won't take the fun out of it… At least tell me what to pack then… Clothes for autumn? Are you sure?... Okay… Okay… Look Dad I've got to go… Okay…Yes Dad… Okay… Bye… Okay… Bye Dad."

"So did he tell you?"

"No. He just told me to pack autumn clothes but also beach wear. Weird combination don't you think? How the hell do you pack clothes for autumn Alice?"

"Pack stuff for every season then silly."

"Like even winter?"

"Autumn usually leads to winter. Did your dad ask you anything about your passport?"

"Um.... no?"

"Good so that probably means you're staying in the country so you just have to figure out where in the country he's taking you."

"That actually makes sense Alice."

"I know. I'm a genius what can I say?"

"No need to get cocky now."

xxx

I wonder who Anthony's older brother is. Hopefully we don't know him and never have to see him again after Friday. I wonder what we can do to the tweebs and their groupies… Maybe I should bake cookies, I haven't done that in ages. I would say the last time I did was the day mom and dad's divorce was finalised. I think I still have some of that batch left which is really scary because it's like over a year and a half ago! Maybe I should tell Dr Goldfinch about the cookies. Better yet, why not take him some? And then he can die on the rot that's probably grown all over those cookies now...

**To: **Bella

**From: **Tanya

**Subject: **Hello!

Hey Bella!!!!!

How u?

I'm pretty good, just not in the mood for homework. The chemistry is hard.

Speaking of chemistry. What is going on between you and Eddie???

Please tell!

Luvvies Tanya

.

**To: **Tanya

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Hello!

There is NOTHING going on between me and Edward.

Just friends that's all.

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Tanya

**Subject: **Hello!

I'm not stupid Bella. I can see when two people like each other. And Edward definitely likes you… A lot. He's my cousin, so I should know him pretty well.

Which obviously, I do.

xxx

**To: **Tanya

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Hello!

He's your cousin?? Really?

Well if you know him so well why don't you just ask him yourself?

And what do you mean by cousin? Like blood related cousin or adopted cousin?

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Tanya

**Subject: **Hello!

I have. And all he says is that you are feisty.

Adopted cousin. My mom, Carmen, and his adoptive mother, Esme, are sisters.

.

**To: **Tanya

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **Hello!

Well there you have it them.

I'm feisty.

So like you and Edward could hook-up and it wouldn't be considered incest? (That's Alice asking by the way. Not me.)

I have got to go. I'm at Alice's.

Have a good weekend!

Bye

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Tanya

**Subject: **Hello!

We could probably hook-up without it being incestuous. But why the hell would we???!!! I mean the boy is pretty, don't get me wrong but he is just sooooo not my type. Your sister's husband... more my type, but with blonde hair I think. Not brown. I like blonde hair.

Anyways... have a good weekend too!

See you on Monday

Luvvies

Tanya!

xxx

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

So you think I'm feisty do you?

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **hi

What gave you that idea?

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

Your cousin told me.

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **hi

That's just Tanya. She has an overactive imagination let me tell you that much.

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

So you don't think I'm feisty?

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **hi

Do you want me to?

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

But what exactly do you mean by feisty?

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **hi

I don't know what you are talking about.

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

Don't play dumb with me! Just tell me.

I promise I won't get mad.

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **hi

See that's just it. How do I know you're not really going to get mad?

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

Then don't tell me.

Bye

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **hi

No Bella wait!!!!

What are u doing tonight?

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

I have plans with Alice

.

**To: **Bella

**From: **Edward

**Subject: **hi

Plans which don't include me I suppose?

.

**To: **Edward

**From: **Bella

**Subject: **hi

You're supposition is correct.

I really have to go now.

Bye

xxx

**To: **Alice

**From: **Jasper

**Subject: **Hi

Hey Alice.

It's Jasper Whitlock.

I know this seems random, but I just want to tell you that I had an amazing time dancing with you last night and that you really looked beautiful.

.

**To: **Jasper

**From: : **Alice

**Subject: **Hi

Hey Jazz!!

Nope, I actually don't think the message was random. Very sweet in fact. And I'm so glad you sent me a message because I was just about to send you one actually!

I also had fun last night.

You're a good dancer.

.

**To: **Alice

**From: **Jasper

**Subject: **Hi

I don't mean to be too forward, but will you please go to the movies with me tonight?

.

**To: **Jasper

**From: : **Alice

**Subject: **Hi

Jazz, I'm so sorry. I really can't tonight, although I would love to. Maybe next weekend?

Bella and I have to baby sit my little brothers and their friends tonight, so maybe you can come as well. They are having a camp out. I think Edward will also be there.

.

**To: **Alice

**From: **Jasper

**Subject: **Hi

Edward Cullen? The new guy?

The one that was with Bella last night?

.

**To: **Jasper

**From: : **Alice

**Subject: **Hi

That's the one. The chemistry is thick between those two don't you think?

So what do you think? Are you going to come?

.

**To: **Alice

**From: **Jasper

**Subject: **Hi

It sure is.

I don't want to intrude Alice

.

**To: **Jasper

**From: : **Alice

**Subject: **Hi

You won't intrude. I invited you!

Please come.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssse!!

.

**To: **Alice

**From: **Jasper

**Subject: **Hi

If you're sure, then I'd love to be there.

.

**To: **Jasper

**From: : **Alice

**Subject: **Hi

Brilliant!!

You know where I live don't you?

Just come at like 6.

.

**To: **Alice

**From: **Jasper

**Subject: **Hi

Yes.

Okay you see later then Alice.

* * *

Please review and let me know what you guys think! Reviews will FORCE me to update sooner ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**I am sooooo unbelievably sorry for my epic update fail! In all honesty, I've been so busy this last semester that I completely forgot about this story! And worst of all is, I've had this chapter written since before I even posted the previous chapter! I am soooo incredibly sorry! **

**Still not mine. Everything still belongs to SM.**

**xxx**

**Chapter 6**

Saturday

Dear Diary

Tonight is impromptu camp out at Alice's or should I say _Mary-Alice's_ house. I really think her mom has a few loose screws, because really, what does it actually matter what she is called?

So back to where I was.

It's the camp out tonight. We eventually agreed to let the Anthony boys older brother come with. I don't really know why, because as far as I'm concerned we'll be just fine seeing how we all live in a security estate. Now that I think about it, why are we actually going? It's not as if we can protect those boys if a serial killer or pedophile or whatever decides to pay us a visit.

But, if it makes Alice's mom sleep better at night then I suppose we have to do it.

We have planned a lot of activities to keep the boys busy. I'm at Alice's house now so that we can set up. You might be wondering why I am writing in my diary while I am at my best friend's house. Well reason is because currently she is throwing her whole wardrobe in the floor trying to decide what to wear because her life-long crush, Jasper Hale is also coming tonight. Hopefully him and Anthony's brother get along, so I'm not stuck entertaining the stranger because in all honesty we both know I'm not a very hospitable person.

I'm really glad we still live in the estate. Dad wanted us to sell the house after the divorce but I convinced him to keep it for my sake because of what he did. I made him feel really guilty, so I got what I wanted. I don't see that point of compromising my whole life for them, especially him just because he is the one that got bored.

It's not my fault.

Or at least that is what Dr Goldfinch has been trying to tell me. And realistically I know that it's not my fault but some part of me can't help but feel guilty you know? It's like maybe if I tried harder to make my parents happy this would never have happened but then I also know I can't control an adult. Dr Goldfinch wants me to repeat to myself at least 5 times a day that it wasn't my fault. So here goes.

It wasn't my fault that my parents divorced.

It wasn't my fault that my dad had affairs.

It wasn't my fault that Rosalie abandoned me in my time of need.

It wasn't my fault that my mom hated my dad after the divorce (and still does actually).

It wasn't my fault.

(Happy now doc? That was five times.)

Anyways, we've planned a lot of activities, Alice and I even downloaded camp fire stories of the internet. It was so creepy reading some of those stories. I'd prefer not to hear them, but I know I can't chicken out in front of the boys, and it's not as if believe in ghosts or any of those other creepy things. I'm a practical person (or at least I like to think so) so there is no space in my life for the other worldly.

But I think it's going to be fun, because those two little silly boys are really like my brothers. I love playing with them, but Alice doesn't know that. I don't think she will be very impressed if she had to find out that I'm not so anti-the twins as she would like me to be. So that's like the only thing she doesn't know about me and hopefully she'll never find out because I am not prepared to face the wrath of Alice. And let me tell you, for such a small person Alice is damn scary.

Well it will almost be the only thing she doesn't know about me. The other thing is still way too personal to share with anyone. I'm not even sure of it myself yet. But I don't know if you can ever be sure of anything like that in your entire life. Maybe I should just learn to take more chances and live a little. But taking a chance like that just opens me up to get hurt and I don't want to get hurt. I'm scared of getting hurt. It's like one of my biggest fears. So maybe I shouldn't open up just yet.

I'm a very reclusive person, and I suppose it's sad that I know it. But what is really funny to me, is that Dr. Goldstein hasn't realised that yet. (Yes doc, I'm doubting your credibility as a psychiatrist.) It probably shows that he is not such a good shrink after all. (Sorry doc, I know you're going to read this sometime, but at least now you know what my problem is!) But enough of the psycho babble. I have a camp-out to get to.

Well so long for now diary.

Bella

Ps. You probably noticed I'm in a very weird mood today. Maybe it's nerves. But about what? I've met all of the twins' friends, except for Anthony and his brother. That's it. I'm scared of meeting the older Anthony, maybe even the younger one as well.)

xxx

"So are you ready for the big camp-out?" Alice asked me with false excitement lacing her tone.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Bella why are you so nervous?"

Honestly I don't know. It just felt strange. Why would I stress about hanging out with a couple of crazy 9 year olds? How harmful can they really be? But secretly I knew it wasn't really the prospect of hanging out with the kids that scared me. It was the package deal that came with the kids. The older brother. Mysteriously no one knew his name which actually bugged me. What if the guy turned out to be some stalker? They didn't even know how old he was. So that could explain the nerves.

"Honestly Alice? I really don't know. I guess I'm just not looking forward to spending a night with the older brother I suppose."

"Oh my word! Are you still on about that? Just relax. If he is weird we just sneak into the house and hide in my bedroom and let Jazz entertain him."

Isn't it a bit soon for Alice to just assume that Jasper will do that? They're not together or anything and they only really connected last night. So in my opinion I would say it is a bit soon. But that's just me...

"So you already have a nickname for him do you?"

"What? No! I said Jasper. You must've heard wrong."

"Whatever Alice. It's okay to like the guy."

"Look who's talking. What happened last night?"

Here it goes. I was waiting for this. I knew she was going to ask me about last night. Honestly sometimes she is too nosy for her own good. I'll just act dumb because that will irritate her.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me Isabella. And I know you're just doing it to irritate me. Now tell me why you were such a bitch to Edward. And yes for the record, I did just call you a bitch."

Okay.

What is with everyone seeing through me lately? First Rosalie with the PMS excuse and now Alice with the playing dumb charade. I have to up the ante to keep the mystery with these people.

"Alice, you know that poem by Larkin, "This Be The Verse"? That will explain all my issues to you."

"Bella! I've never heard of bloody Larkin and I don't particularly care what he wrote in a stupid poem that appealed to you. All I want to know is why you keep hurting that boy?!"

"I care okay Alice. I care! That poem has a lot of truth in it."

"Fine. What does the stupid poem say?" I could hear the reluctance in Alice's voice. She really didn't care about this poem. But I had to convince her. This poem was like a way for me to understand that I'm normal you know? So I had to let Alice understand. I quickly googled the poem and read it aloud for Alice.

"Okay first of Alice, Philip Larkin is like one of the best poets of our age. He was asked to be the Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom but he refused and instead Ted Hughes took the offer."

"Okay that's nice. Now give me the damn poem."

"**This Be The Verse by Philip Larkin**.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself."

"Bella, I'm not going to lie to you. There is truth in that poem but it is wrong to use that as an explanation for what you did to Edward last night. Just tell me why you did it."

"Look Alice. I don't want to talk about it."

"No Bella. You will talk about it. All I'm asking is why did you push that guy away? He is crazy about you. Heavens knows why, but he is. And thing is, I know that deep down you feel something for him. But now I'm asking you Bella, to be honest with me, and tell me why you pushed him away! Everything was going so well between you two, you looked perfect together and then just suddenly you ran off! Without even greeting me might I add!"

"You want to know why I HATE his guts Alice? Then I'll tell you! He phoned my sister and set the whole thing up! Okay I didn't want him to be with me the whole night! I wanted to enjoy it with you and the rest of the people, not just him! And also Alice, he tried to kiss me!"

"He tried to kiss me! Is that you're best excuse? Come on Bella. You have got to be kidding me! Edward freaking Cullen tried to kiss you and you ran away? Why Bella? Why couldn't he kiss you?"

"Because… because Alice… I don't know! Are you happy now Alice? I don't know why I didn't let him kiss me. It might be the simple reason that I'm scared. There! Are you happy now? You guessed it. Me, Bella Swan is scared of a guy!"

"Aaah Bella, I'm sorry. Honey I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know Alice. Just leave it okay. Just… I'm going to go jog."

"You can't run in this state Bella. You're crying."

"I need to run Alice. It relaxes me. Calms me down. Makes me happy."

"How?"

"Jogging is a form of exercise, it releases the hormone endorphin and endorphins make you happy."

"Yeah okay. Well then enjoy your jog. I'll see you later."

Just as I left her room ready to go jog Alice let out a squeal at a frequency appropriate for animals. Obviously she just received good news.

As I jogged down the street I put my iPod buds in my ears and closed my eyes. What would my life be without my daily jog? It helped to clear my mind. Dr Glodfinch was the one who suggested it but now that it has becoime such routine that I can't understand how I survived without it for so long. I loved listening to the sounds of my feet on the tar road. It calmed me down and gave me a sense of consistency in life.

As I jogged past the houses, I heard children laughing in the backyards and splashes from the swimming pools. I could hear loud music coming from the bedroom of the one house. Dogs barking and babies crying. All these sounds blended together to form what I like to refer as normality. I loved being an outsider and listening to other people as they go about their I opened my eyes, I realised I was approaching Alice's house again.

Back to reality.

When I got to the house, I ran upstairs and immediately got dressed in my bikini. I was well aware that Alice's mom would probably have a heart coronary of she saw my skimpy costume but I like it so boo-hoo to Mrs Brandon.

I looked out the window and saw Alice already in the pool with the boys. Jasper was standing on the side watching Alice. As Alice looked up she saw me and beckoned to me to come down and get in the pool. After the quick gesture to me, Alice got out of the pool and went to go sit on the bench under the oak tree with Jasper.

As I made my way downstairs, I heard a car pull up on the driveway. I was curious to see the mysterious brother, but decided that for now, he would have to wait.

I was going to dive into the pool first.

I heard the voices coming my way, so she decided to sneak out the kitchen door and then dive in before the voices reached the patio.

"They're just through there" I heard Alice's mom direct the newcomers.

xxx

As Edward walked through the French doors he felt his breath catch.

It was Bella.

Bella in a bikini that is.

As she looked up she saw him and it felt as if his whole world was falling around him.

She looked beautiful.

The wild brown curls streaming down her back, never ending brown eyes caught his. The pale tone of her skin being complimented by the delicate light blue colour of the bikini. A sparkle caught his eye and he looked up to her neck, where she wore the thinnest necklac. She held it in her hand and looked shyly up at him. Before he could look away she jumped into the pool, in a very unladylike fashion.

He laughed out loud at that thought! As Bella emerged she caught him laughing. A look of pure poison crossed her face, but the pain in her eyes intrigued him the most. If she hated him as much as she gave out, why would she care whether or not he laughed at her?

What he didn't see was the five little boys sneaking up behind him. He was so captivated by Bella. When she was around he couldn't focus on a thing but her. He missed her when she wasn't around, but hated it when she was around because she never paid him any attention.

As he was daydreaming, the little boys crept closer. They were a meter away from him, when he heard Bella scream, "Now!" and as he looked around him he saw the boys and they ran and pushed him into the pool.

He didn't even try fight them, because in the pool meant closer to her. The water was cool for such a hot day, but it immediately relaxed him. When he was in the water nothing could stop him.

But it was months last that he even put a foot in the water. As he surfaced, he immediately swam closer to the steps and got out in a fluid motion. Being in the water brought back all the pain and memories and just for tonight he didn't want to relive them. He just wanted to be normal Edward.

Not SA swimming champion Edward.

But then he remembered. He was just normal Edward tonight because he will never be s swimmer again. Not after what happened.

He just couldn't forget about it.

"Why don't you stay in Edward?" asked Alice.

"I um, have um a cold Alice. I can't swim."

"Oh okay. A cold this time of year? Poor you."

"Give him a break Alice, will you? He looks shivered up in those wet clothes. Go get dressed in something warm Edward." For once Bella actually came to his rescue, and Edward couldn't be more grateful.

"Thanks Bella, I'll do that."

As he walked away Alice turned to Bella, "Why did you let him get away? I wanna see what's under his shirt."

"Stop dreaming Alice. He is sick. He can't parade around half naked. And not to burst you bubble or anything Alice, but Jasper is right there."

"But it would've been fun for us? And anyways Jasper won't mind. He knows he has full ownership of my heart." Alice said with a twinkle in her eye.

_Aaaah... young love._

How could Alice be so certain about a guy? She's just always known that Jasper is The Guy for her. She's never wasted her time with anyone else, just always waited patiently for him.

"Alice would you just stop it? He said he is sick so he can't take his shirt of and swim." Angrily Bella got out of the pool, dried herself, put a sarong over her wet costume and stalked back into the house.

"What has got her all in a huff?" asked Laurent

"I honestly don't know. She's been acting very strangely lately." Replied a baffled Alice.

"I think they are in love." Giggled Omar.

"My brother won't love a girl!" replied Anthony angrily

"Guys! Just leave it okay? Carry on playing. If those two come out and hear you talking about them like that they will hurt you." Shouted Alice.

Even though she was her best friend, Alice still sometimes struggled to understand Bella. Sometimes, she just had too much anger in her and Alice for one couldn't understand that. Sure it sucks that her parents divorced but you have to get over it at some point don't you?

The only thing Alice knew for certain was that come hell or high water she would always be Bella's best friend because there was always the odd chance that the awesome Bella of a few years back would return again. And that is something worth waiting for.

Also hearing all Bella's stories about Dr Goldfinch is pretty funny...

xxx

**So.... nothing much happened, but at the same time, something did??? Tell me your thoughts, and I promise to update much sooner this time around!!! PROMISE!**

**Review please??**


End file.
